Have you ever said to God that you knew what you were doing ….

Yes, recently I did it. When the news about the acid attack appeared in the newspaper …I browsed through all articles regarding it and read about many attacks and thus made my heart grieve. God said me that enough ! you need not read more…the more you read the more you will get depressed and lose the interest with which I have beautified the  world . I told Him…no ! its nice to improve my G.K and these would benefit me to learn more about other people’s grief…Hmmmm He said me and allowed me to continue ….again I came across the Delhi rape case and was curious to know how could such thing happen in a bus …din’t the driver or conductor stop it. He again told me ‘jesse enough’….I told Him I knew what I was doing ………..result …..’Lord why is the world so ugly, why are the people so bad, these men do they have no fear of u….and so my heart felt uneasy and was disturbed….you know what he replied … 

1 Kings 19:10  After fearing that he would be killed, he speaks to God  “I have been absolutely loyal to the LORD, the sovereign God, even though the Israelites have abandoned the agreement they made with you, torn down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left and now they want to take my life.”

:18 You know what God answered him….. I still have left in Israel seven thousand followers who have not bowed their knees to Baal or kissed the images of him.”…so its very easy to judge the wicked world..and then enter into an emotional breakdown….Lord everything is vanity..like King Solomon…….

God doesn’t want us to live in constant fear, He doesn’t want us to sit inside our homes securely ..even there practically speaking there’s no safety…except for the protecting Shield that covers us…the fence that’s around God’s people as we read in Job. So, I regret for not listening to God …as the past two days neither was I able to remain at peace nor enjoy His presence fully…Now this doesn’t mean we need to stay aloof from the problems out in the world..No!No…not so ….we should have a right attitude while coming across such news reports. Pray for the victims….pray for our relatives and friends who could be vulnerable and yes ..thank God for His Grace that He has protected us thus far………. 

So ....Jesse @ the Passport Seva Kendra -PSK

there used to be days when Jesse would dare not do  anything on her own...as a child you could find her clung to the edges of her mother's saree seeing visitors at home...Any official work ...oh too difficult to handle..so how did this thing go ....lets see..
I decided that just two of us would go ...He and me......had arranged for an appointment time of around 2:30 pm at Shaligramam PSK.   Somehow managed to reach the spot at 2:15 pm and all excited asked the watchman if i could join the crew waiting in the Q...yes yes i know the spelling of queue ...just checked it out in the browser !!!! they gave me a stern look and asked me to sit in the hall.....where more than 100 people were waiting already. I managed to get an empty chair. Now needed to find out what's the procedure ...He prompted me towards a girl and her mother ...and so making it short ....asked some 2 people and confirmed that the people would enter batch wise...there was the 2pm batch...2:15..2:30 and so on....just then the 1:45 pm batch had entered...so was waiting ....after nearly 45 minutes...we were asked to form the Q... :) , we were guided to a counter around 5 rows were formed and each row was to be  attended by an office personal. By the time I reached to the person, he asked me for my ration card which i dint have...by His grace...only the bankbook, birth cert and marksheet was sufficient. So was asked to enter another waiting room...this one A.C..ccccccc..ok here also managed to get a lady who explained to me the procedure when i asked her. Then was lead to the first floor office....received my token and was directed to the A dept. here paid the amount and i was snapped...since there was a monitor facing my side , i could see my pic....i told the lady that my eyes were closed....(as usual)  she obliged to take another snap...now the climax ......thanked God that i dint come all alone and that He was also with me. She strongly commented that the birth cert wouldn't be accepted as it dint have my mother's name...listen very carefully here....i have been guided by Him many a times ...never this way...this is the first time i was so cool and He gave me instant anwers to reply those officials....Yes....Holy Spirit.....I thank You...:)  i so innocently replied for that you need to check my marksheet...see its there...she smiled...i was done with that dept...now was directed to another B detp...here was the real scrutinization.....a lady at the counter...ohh nooo:)  ohhh Manipur haa...she stared at me! sit sit!!!  hmmm what's  ur place of birth...hmm Ngurte i replied and town churachandpur..........she firmly replied then why is it something else in the birth cert....What! i slighly peeped into the cert,...yes it was 'Lamka '   ohh no...I had by mistake sent the place name Ngurte to my agent since then i dint have my birth cert with me...it was with my mother...i had read a wrong place from my tribal cert....then...the tempter entered in and seduced me....JESSE TELL HER NGURTE IS SOMEWHERE VERY CLOSE TO LAMKA ! ....no no no He dint want me to tell a lie and cover my mistake...i smiled at her thats it...she dint question me again...thats not the end ...hope iits not boring!!! she again asked me where is ur mother's name in the birth cert ....i dont know how did i reply this .....' i told her ma'am there is no option for mother's name in the certificate ' ohhhh phew....she looked into it and dint ask me again. Next she told me that there was no proof of my parents name....she asked me if i had their job statement....i told her  that they were quite far away and that i was staying in Chennai for quite sometime...she asked me the year and i told her...ok now she asked me what i was doing ....if i had my college statement...something like that,....i told that i had finished my studies  and then she asked to get my completion certificate...oh no....!!!! i dint get that ....He answered for me through my own lips...." you dint mention that in the requirements put up in the internet ma'am'.....she stared at me...and hey....send me to the next counter...the C counter...here this great woman asked me why i was studying ....note the word' studying' in a K.V SCHOOL after looking into my school marksheet, is your father in defence...she asked me...i smiled no ma'am....was delighted and elated though  ....studying in school ha !!!!   finally received the acknowledgement form  and was out...immediately called my agent and told him...all that happened....he made a statement ' u answered all their questions wisely'
yes wisdom ! who is this wisdom, who is He...you know Him and so do i.

I find it difficult ........

Its sometimes very difficult for me to enjoy any worldly amusement …..by worldly I am not adding any negative aspect to amusement ….we need relaxation…we need fun….yes the question here arises….what kind of fun or what kind of amusement…….!!!! When I hear from within  saying  its ok Jesse, then I feel free ...

For some gambling is an amusement, and for some drinking…..for some watching movies is an amusement and for some chatting….so the list goes on……..

During the first few days of my P.G classes I remember my H.O.D asking every student how we had been spending  the time after we returned home…..when she heard the answer I gave she was amazed….No! No! …I dint preach that I read the Bible and pray…..I told her that I had my lunch and read the newspaper….since we were media students we were supposed to read at least two kinds of newspapers daily. So, …I dint lie by telling that …I meant it. Today I read the newspaper maybe once in a fortnight ….What a change….I hope she doesn’t read my blog !

What amuses you the most today ….I don’t want to write mine and become preachy again… yes! I want to leave it open ended …..since now I know that my blog is no longer a self-expressive device

I am very honestly saying this that I have lived almost ¼ of my life 23*4=92 yrs….Yes I am right….what have I achieved for God…..Actually I can’t achieve anything…unless He uses me….I have prayed many  a times…Lord whether the vessel for common use or for Sacred use….I am ready for both …though deep within I daily hear a voice that God has created me as a vessel for Sacred use…So is God partial …no never whether Sacred or Common we would all receive the reward only after our work passes through the test of fire.

Only choice! ! !

Only choice! ! !

Woe to you oh man ! coz you have nothing in your hand …….

Health

Parents

Language

Gifts

Talents

Beauty

Colour

Hair

Nothing absolutely nothing………

Except for this one thing…..the free will….or say it choice !!! that is what God honours in men and will never take it from him…the free will of making choice…

Many unbelievers debate that if God is so loving why doesn’t He make all people good and send them to heaven ……NO NO NO

God respects the ‘ free will He has given to men’ He makes us decide whom we ought to follow and what we ought to do…..

So never be proud that you are born  in a Christian family or you have  believing parents no no ….this hasn’t come to you as your choice …..so , on the day of judgement, you would be equalized or say it this way that the factor = u being born in a Christian family will be nullified to your friend who is born in a non-Christian family ….after making this factor at equilibrium …only then will God judge you or reward you for the other things concerning your life.

I have changed

Oh yes !!!!  22 yrs …and have changed a lot….my thoughts….my preferences ….my ambitions…..my desires…..

Many still think I am the old Jesse….they are not willing or not even wanting  to accept that their old Jesse has changed ….. The greatest evidence is not my new way of dressing nor my way of speaking nor my habits but my preferences…..I no longer find satisfaction in things I longed for then. I never liked to be in His presence …I was a legalistic believer ..praying for my exams ….or maybe just to show others and satisfy myself that since I was a Christian I had to do certain things like reading the Bible or not wearing buttu / tilak etc. I cannot convince people coz those who think that I have not changed do believe that I am just pretending to have been changed,……The world pulls me no longer. No satisfaction in gossips that I once enjoyed from the bottom of my heart……….Then do I claim I am better  than them….no no no …..I am not to judge others …although I am sure that since I have received much from Him and ‘to whom more is given more will be expected ‘…so I need to turn around and follow Him only… How amazing it is to know that even now after knowing much when I still make mistakes with a capital S, He is patient enough to correct me and love me again…Oh! How much I have hurt You and tried running away from You but You kept drawing nearer…nearer…now so much near that I am drunk with your wine and desire to stick onto You closer than ever before…my Love.

I dont understand

I dont understand !!!!!!

Yes, He is mysterious and at times you feel that He is least bothered about you. Who is this He ......????

Yesterday as I had my two front teeths no no no ...teeth removed, sat deppressed and sad. I began thinking about our human life and this mortal body. I dint want to go to the prayer cell at 6pm as people would see my lost teeth and comment .....though I knew it was a good reason to bunk the prayer time and to add more spice to it the deciever called satan gave me another excuse and that was ..."its raining I dont feel well ". I wanted to overcome this weakly nature and mood ...finally energized by a cup of tea decided to gooo. All the while driving spoke to Him and said " You have to comfort me today ". As we were worshiping Sis Renuka - the one who leads the worship service lead us to sing ...santhoshama irranga...eppozhadu...santhoshama irranga(tamil) ...( in english ..rejoice and always rejoice ) ohhhh glad I was ..that  even this time like every other time He comforted ...Yes He the lover of my soul.